2003 Minnesota 1000

2003 Minnesota 1000

“Life Minus Riding Equals Zero”

The OBJECTIVE: Pilot the “old shovel” to Minnesota. Finish a successful rally. Return
safely to the “Peoples Republic of Massachusetts.” (good on all 3)

The PLAN: To attempt a BB or BBG on the way to Monticello. Boston to Minneapolis ~
1400+ miles. Hey, this might work. (hard lesson learned here.)

The STORY: When last we left our hero…. I had been fortunate to squeak out a 3rd Place in the Sport Touring Class at last years Buckeye 1000, so naturally I thought I would be ready for some attempt at the MN1K. I had followed this rally, on line, for years and couldn’t wait for my chance to go. Time and money always seem to get in the way of an enthusiastic rally season. But this year I cured that! I got laid off! I now had plenty of time to plan for rallies (like the MN1K), but the money…. Well…I might have to get a little creative…..ouch.

With a few quid in me pocket, I set out for Minnesota. My ambitions of a BunBurner were quickly snuffed when I learned the much valued lesson of preplanning your Start Witnesses. I live across the street from the local Police Station. The morning of my departure (Wed. June 11th) I figure I walk in, explain what I’m doing, get signatures and Bang… I’m on my way…. Not so fast there, Buffalo Breath. “What is this? What are you doing?” I was as polite as I could be, but no explanation was going to suffice. The Officer behind the glass just wasn’t going to sign anything like that. The others just looked at me like I had ten heads…I politely thanked them for their time and I just packed up and hit the road. I was on my way to a great rally, any BB or BBG would have to wait. I just didn’t want to wrestle around at the last minute to find a start witness. Like I said, a little planning here could have made it happen. Hey, whada ya gonna do…..

Now riding an old Harley (1972 Electra Glide) always adds to the adventure. I mean with the poor mileage, heavy oil consumption, and Brakes of Antiquity, there is always something to challenge you or to overcome. And oh yeah…sometimes stuff just falls off. (coil cover, saddlebag lid, you know… stuff) anyway, I LOVE it!! The best part is when I get to goof on the non-believers.…“you gonna ride that…where?” They just don’t get it.

I’m now settled in on I-90 and cruising west; New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio (and rain), Indiana (more rain…) Illinois (no rain, but Chicago traffic sux!) and on into Wisconsin. Thursday morn and some sunshine. I arrive at St. Paul H-D for first Mandatory at 3:15pm. It had been 31.5 hours since I left Kingston, Mass. I was pleased with the ride. The folks at St. Paul H-D were super nice and I thanked them for their rally support. I proceeded with my first ride through the Twin Cities and found my hotel in Plymouth and called it a day.

Friday morning finds blue skies and sunshine. Good day to bag the rest of the Mandatories. First stop was Warner’s Outdoor, then Midwest, on out to Delano (nice ride, no traffic). I decided to ride out to St. Cloud to find the Rally Finish location so I would know exactly where it was. On the way to St. Cloud, I had stop in Kingston, Minnesota. It’s a little smaller than my hometown of Kingston, Massachusetts but worth the visit. I snap a few souvenir photos and I’m on my way to find Donahue’s H-D outside St. Cloud. No problem. Later that evening, at the Liar’s Banquet, I overheard one rider comment that Donahue’s H-D would have to be easy to find because…well you know…Harley riders… you know… aren’t too bright….(maybe, but at least I know Annie Oakley didn’t make sunglasses). Oh the shame of it all….

I arrive at MoonMotors for my last Mandatory and also in plenty of time before the ODO check. With a short ride to the Vintage Grill, it was time to check in. Hallmark Moment, signing in for my first Minnesota 1000. Hey, don’t laugh, it’s a big deal to me. Let’s see, T-shirt, cup, trinkets, and what are these? TS sunglasses? (cool… not “Oakley Thermonuclears” but just as good!)…

The parking lot begins to fill with bikes and riders I have never met but recognize from past stories from the TS website. I chat with a few and I’m given lots of advice ( TS’ers are very friendly and love to talk). The overwhelming comment is about Eddie & Adam, ”they are sadistic.” (Tough crowd tonite)

“Welcome to TeamStrange and the Minnesota 1000.” The Liar’s Banquet was an excellent feed. I was not disappointed. Eddie makes a few announcements followed by Adam’s rules and then they introduce the fine folks that really put this rally together. Greg, Ken & Kerry. A great job, WELL DONE!

The big moment then arrived. I received my first Minn 1000 “USPS” sealed envelope. Contained within: one fuel log, a copy of the rules, and a route sheet that was intended to entice the true “gas burners” looking to achieve their mileage awards. It was now 9:00pm, the Rally had begun. So, with the high milers seeking higher mileage, the rest of us bowled!

This seemed appropriate as TeamStrange started life as a bowling team. I only bowled one string and saved my score sheet as the route sheet teased that this could be point worthy by Rally’s end, (mmm not really), but it was fun just the same. A little pre-rally tension breaker. Good idea, guys.

Saturday morning and the pre-rally staging has begun. I always enjoy just walking around eyeballing all the different hardware that’s rolling around on two wheels. If you have never witnessed the starting area of one of these rallies, you are missing the best moto trade show anywhere. From old to new, mild to wild, with all the bells and whistles. You can see it all. It really is amazing. It alone is worth the price of admission. Each rally start reminds me of one of those bar scenes from a Star Wars movie. Oddly uniformed pilots driving bizzarro machinery. (Vespa driven by clown, in costume, with sidecar!…try and top that!). Dapper award goes to Victor of course. I wonder if I could get a top hat to stay on my helmet…. Time to burn the gas.

New route sheets are handed out. IT has begun. All of the bonus locations are in Minnesota…cool. I keep my route plan simple. Ride and collect bonuses going north for twelve hours and then head south and collect till the finish. Simple. Well, one would hope.

Weather is perfect, little traffic, just the ticket for a successful rally. My bonus hunting was rolling along nicely. First, Maple Lake, then Richmond, on to Little Falls, I got fuel somewhere, then Motley (was this the fish place? No dried fish for me, but the B-B-Q jerky was mighty tasty.) Next I think was New York Mills and more fuel, check receipt? OK. Things were going well. So far it’s been fun just answering questions and taking photos. The roads have been fabulous. The “old scooter” is running just like it otta. The riding is just like you read about. I can now appreciate why Minnesota has such a large and dedicated LD community. Easy to understand why TS can fill a 100 rider rally in just a few days. Damn glad to be here!

Time for my first dinger. After New York Mills, I decided to try a short cut across Wadena County back roads to reach Pequot Lakes by 6:00pm. I had plenty of time, good thing too. Naturally this is being mentioned because I got lost after a detour and without a “detailed map” it took a few gravel roads to make my way back to MN 371 and south to the “Oasis”. Would you believe it was 5:59pm when I pulled in the parking lot! I had gotten that lost. Ah yes, all part of the adventure. With the wide glide pointed north, and the fatbobs full of fuel, it was now time to plan the evening portion of our program. Next stop, Walker….

Now the Fishing Hall of Fame may have been an easy bonus to bag, but it nearly became my “Waterloo” for this rally. I made my entry on the route sheet to claim this bonus, easy eh? It should be noted that I keep my route sheet in a map window on my windshield bag and the rest of my Rally Pack documents in a black nylon zip bag that I store in the bike’s TourPac. This will have enormous significance later in my story. Before I leave Walker, I rummage through the TourPac, for reasons I now don’t recall, then repack, remount and head northward, ever northward.

While comfortably heading north on US 71 toward Bemidji, somewhere between Kabekona and Guthrie, I witnessed my first rally bear sighting (No, not Lyle). As I’m rolling along, I notice up ahead some sort of large furry black thing as it leaves the tree line and lumbers up on the road. I’m staring at this thing thinking, man that is one big ass dog! Well no kidding, that’s no dog stupid, it’s a bear! I’m glad it’s still daylight and I have plenty of space to let it pass. Question – If it’s dark, how do you not hit these things? Point to ponder.

On into Bemidji and find the Paul Bunyan and Babe statue. As I am entering the parking lot, I notice another rider getting ready to leave. You don’t often see other riders during a rally, but when you do, it does add just a touch of reassurance that perhaps your route isn’t so futile, after all, here was a MN1K veteran (it’s the stickers, man) going the same place you are. I find the answer to the Pond question and snap a keepsake photo of Paul and the Babe (hey, why not, we don’t have this back home). Onward.

The Erskine photo bonus is for some good points so I decide to go. This will turn out to be my northern turn around. In Erskine, at the “fish”, I encountered the same rider from Bemidji. We exchange greetings, he is Allen Wilson and I have to mention that he paid me the best compliment about my bike I ever got, especially from a non-Harley rider. He just shook his head and said “that’s one well built Shovel” and walked back to his bike. I smiled and thought to myself, Yes it is. Thanks, Allen.
I was now 12 hours into the rally. It was time to start my return route. Back east on US 2 through Bemidji onto Bena and the Supper Club Fish photo. It was dark now and the small flash on my Polaroid was making it tough to get recognizable photos, but I got it. Next stop, Deep River, and my only encounter with Law Enforcement. No, not for speeding, but for parking. I needed to get the bike as close as possible to this big silver fish, so I drove up on the grass right next to the fish. Just then the local sheriff pulls up in his cruiser and would like to know just what I was doing at 12:30am photographing my bike with his fish. Well after I explained all about it, he chuckles and then offers to aim his spotlight on the fish to help photograph it easier. I respectfully declined as I feared this might be construed as unfair advantage and therefore cheating. I was able to get the desired photo with just the flash on the Polaroid, but that sheriff stayed close until I was finished and moved on. I suppose someone driving an old Harley, photographing fish statues after midnight, does warrant a little raised eyebrow. Aren’t rallies fun?

Onto Floodwood – Catfish Capital. Watertowers are hard to read with just a maglite. Turning south at Floodwood, I look at my map and my watch, and start thinking “Sleep bonus”. 2000pts is hard to pass up. Garrison MN looks good. Maybe after rest I could do the Millie Lacs loop bonus. Sounds good. I take my time, careful not to overdrive my headlight. I don’t reach Garrison till almost 04:00am. I stop at a Holiday Express. Get receipt to start rest bonus. Good time to eat, catch up on paper work, and oh yeah, rest. The rally so far has been going better than planned. For that reason alone, I should have expected what was next.

No truer statement was ever made when Will Outlaw declared, “Motorcycle rallies are difficult when you are stupid!”. I went to retrieve my rally paper work from the bike, only to discover they were GONE!!!! I searched everywhere, but my rally pack was not to be found. What the hell happened to it? What do I do now? I had read plenty of stories where riders loose their rally documents, and thought, how does that happen? Let me tell you, it takes no effort at all. My mind was now racing backwards into the rally like a runaway slide show. Where had I left my Rally Pack? How long had I been riding without it? 18 hours of rally had expired, no time to retrace and correct, especially since I had no idea where I might have left it. This Is Not Good! Fuel log, some photos, receipts, were all gone. I still had my actual Route Sheet because I kept that separate, but most of my proof of bonuses were now missing. So now I had 3 hours to stew about what was my next move. I thought of retracing, if only to find the bag (it was a gift), and then probably DNF. I really didn’t come all this way to do that. Next option: continue my rally plan and finish on time, then throw myself on the mercy of the scorer’s table with what I had. So at the end of 3 hours I get a receipt to end my rest bonus and continue on my way.

It was only 07:00am, I had plenty of time to do the Millie Lacs Lake Lap Loop Bonus (easy for you to say). It was a nice ride. Sun shining, no traffic, tranquil scenery. Too bad I was too bumin’ to enjoy it. Time now to head for the finish line. At 09:39am I arrive at Donahue’s H-D (It is easy to find, good thing too….you know how those Harley riders are….)

I make it back on time but of course I have little to show for it. I relax for a moment and try to get my act together. I begin to fantasize about the possibilities that someone actually would have found my rally pack and return with it to the finish. But of course this idea goes squarely against LD rally practices…”If you come across another riders rally flag or rally pack, just leave it alone. The owner will be back.” Conventional wisdom maybe, but it was not going to work for me.

I gather up what I have and go stand in line at the scorer’s table. Not quite the successful Minnesota 1000 I had hoped to complete, but hey, I had a great time. As I’m waiting in line, with only one more rider in front of me, and this has to be a miracle, one of the rally organizers walks right by me with MY rally pack. Black nylon bag and all! holy shit…HOLY SHIT….I can’t believe this. When I start to breathe again, I identify myself and he returns the bag to me. How lucky is that….I cannot believe my luck! How does this happen? When I asked who? what? where? He could only say that one of the riders turned it in at the finish. But no one knew who. Some kind soul saves my miserable rally butt and I have no one to thank…this can’t be. Finally one of the volunteers who was working the finish checkpoint, finds the person who found my rally pack. I couldn’t thank him enough. In fact I was so busy thanking him and his riding buddies, I failed to remember their names. Which now makes me mad. I apologize for not being able to give you due credit by name. I do remember them telling me they found my stuff at the Fishing Hall of Fame in Walker. It was late in the evening and they knew I would not be back. These guys are true rally heroes. I can only hope that someday I will have the opportunity to repay such kindness. Thanks again gentlemen. Ride safe.

So with the recovered documents in hand, I once again head to the scorer’s table. Amazingly I didn’t lose any points. I had a good rally. Thanks to those riders who made the correct decision not to leave my bag on the ground (where I left it!) and returned with it.

EPILOG: My first Minn 1000 certainly was memorable. Miracles do happen – Life is Good!!! Needless to say I was pleased with how it all turned out. This just adds to the rally experience. I’ve only been doing LD rallies since August 1999 but it just gets better and better with each new rally. I have never done the same rally twice. That will probably change. You guys are the best!

Monday morning and time to head home. I decide to travel across Wisconsin to visit the 45.00 N, 90.00 W geological marker I had read about and then on to Milwaukee to visit a former college of mine. It’s always good to visit old friends while on the road. “Good for the soul” – Bob Seger.

Tuesday morning and on to Chicago. It was actually easier to ride through it than go around it. Will miracles never end? Onward… I stopped in Erie PA for the night. It was pouring rain, no sense in killing myself. Next day and more clouds but it was dry. I chose to avoid the New York Thruway and traveled on NY route 17. Nice ride but the road needs work. Traffic was light and I was making good time. One last stop in Bethel, New York to visit the 1969 Woodstock site. ( no, I didn’t attend) Must have been quite a show. Back into New England and home.

3745 miles and the old shovel ran beautifully. It was a Good, Good ride. Now I’m sitting here in my garage looking at my bike, thinking what can I do to better prepare for…maybe a “ButtLite attempt? Hey, who let that clown in here?……

#524
Mark W. Collins
Kingston, Massachusetts